I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
