omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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