You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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