I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
