I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
