I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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