Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
