My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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