I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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