I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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