Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
