his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
