Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize