before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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