just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize