1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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