When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
