genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
