Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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