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Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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