It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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