I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
