I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
