he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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