how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just forgot I was standing up.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
