They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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