I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
