I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
