I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
do nipples grow back?
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