Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
