If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
