I bet he comes in French.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize