lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
