Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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