So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
