Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
