"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
