It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize