I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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