i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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