I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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