she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
