He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
