hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
