I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize