i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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