My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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