it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
