Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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