Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize