had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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