My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
