:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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