Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
