I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
