It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
