Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
