Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
