Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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