that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
