I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
