You're my little dorito
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize