Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
