I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
