It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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