Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
