How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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