My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
