Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
