You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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