And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
