please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
