When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
