Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
