remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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