Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
