Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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