Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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