ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
