You were right. It hurts to walk today.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
