I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize