I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
