my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
