I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
