my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize