Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
