Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
