then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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