Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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