I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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