the condom got lost in my hair
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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