I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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