So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize