Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
