I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
