yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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