And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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