ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
