i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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