i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My ass is underappreciated
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
