I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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