She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
someone get that fucking seahorse.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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