if you like me you must not know who I am
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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