when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
