my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How does one acquire holy water?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
